Billary, Part II – Opinions From E. Curtis Johnson

Hillary Clinton hasn't announced her candidacy for 2016 but there’s speculation Bill Clinton will be her running mate. If Bill was one heartbeat away from presidency again, fundamentalist Christians may pray for Hillary for the first time ever. 5.5% of Presidents died in office. Most presidents suffer a fate worse than death. Medically it’s called, comma. Politically it’s called, the second term.

Former President Gerald Ford was courted as Reagan’s running mate in 1980. Talks broke off because Ford wanted control of domestic and foreign policy. Had the two been elected, all Reagan would have got to do was feed the horse at the ranch in Santa Barbara and meet with Nancy’s astrologers.

I’m E. Curtis Johnson. It’s hard to tell the difference between Bill and Hillary. Bill said he didn’t have sex with that woman. Hillary says she’s hasn’t decided yet if she’s running for President. They both lie so much that the only way to tell them apart is to remember that Hillary is the one with pants on.