The photo you see above is supposed to be the latest, hottest trend in camping. It's a hammock that becomes a tent. I call this one 'The Bear Burrito'. Because if I was a bear, that looks like someone hung a human burrito for me to snack on in the middle of the night.

You have not seen everything the Swiss Army Knife has to offer until you have seen the Victorinox Swiss Army SwissChamp XAVT. Honestly, there is no conceivable way to pack one more utensil into this thing. There is no way to fit it into your pocket. You'll need a backpack just to carry it. How the hell are you supposed to know which gadget is which with that many gadgets locked into it? Pure stupid overkill.

The Electric Marshmallow Toaster?

I wish I could tell you that I was kidding. Maybe it's for those times when it is impossible to light a fire. Looking at how this thing operates, it must cook the marshmallow from the inside out. What good is a cooked marshmallow if it's not a little browned on the outside? Browned, not burnt, though.

The Polar Napsack

is supposed to turn your jacket into a sleeping bag. Or maybe you wake up and unzip a few parts and turn your sleeping bag into a jacket? This is an invention that was made up by people who ran out of clever ideas for new inventions but still think they've got it.

The Implement Six

is supposed to be a knife, fork, spoon and cheese grater all in one. Cheese-grater? Why the hell do you need... Anyway, I am convinced that not one of these has ever sold. I mean, come on. No way. Just look at it.

The Bubble Tent.

It looks like something Hugh Hefner would have set up near the water at The Playboy Mansion's Grotto and called it "CAMPING."

How about a blowup mattress with built-in speakers? Don't look at me that way, I didn't invent it.

I'm telling you right now, if I catch any of you camping with any of this crap I'm ripping up your Wyoming Outdoorsman card and reporting you. NOT KIDDING! Go use this stuff in Colorado where they think crap like this is cool.

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